Bell Let's Talk - Mental Health Awareness
Mental Health affects everyone, and it’s okay not to feel okay. We are advocates for all things self-love, self-care and self-worth, but sometimes despite our best efforts, the wheels fall off.
We were thrilled when Charlotte Sytnyk, co-creator and Mental Health Momager with Robyn Priest. reached out to us about sharing her experiences and providing various resources for support. As a solution focused coach, Charlotte works with parents of children struggling with Mental Health to support, advocate and provide strategies for success and recovery. Her education, coupled with her track record helping people find the resources they need, has given her the street cred. needed to make a difference.
Robyn Priest LIVE YOUR TRUTH, is a mental health and peer support education and strategy firm. All programs are designed and delivered by people with their own experience of living with a mental health issue, or a family member of someone living with a mental health issue.
The following post was written by Charlotte Sytnyk who was kind enough to share her story and provide numerous resources for those who may be struggling with mental health concerns. She believes whole heartedly in Peer Support and its role in Mental Wellness.
“As Bell Let’s Talk get closer and I see how much advertising Bell produces for mental health, I am reminded how far we have come in the last 10 years talking about mental health. When my life and my family’s life took a turn 10 years ago, no one was talking about mental health. It was something that no one wanted to talk about or admit they were struggling, or their family member was struggling. And when it was your teenager, struggles were often labeled as bad kid, or moody teenager, or typical teen. It was really hard as a parent to figure out what was wrong when you did not understand what the problem might be. All I know is that when my daughter was in middle school, the child I knew was barely recognizable both on the inside and out. She was struggling with her mental health and I was terrified!
And today, so many more people are talking about mental health. It is a topic that comes up much more often which is helping to lessen the stigma surrounding mental illness.
When I look back on those times, I wished that there was some way that the me of today could talk to me ten years ago. Not in the way of redoing the past but in being a peer supporter to that Mom who was so desperate for help. It is through my family’s struggles and my struggles with mental health that I have witnessed the power of peer support and why I believe it plays such a huge role in a person’s recovery.
In the beginning of my journey with my daughter’s struggles, I felt like an island. That no one else in my community had ever experienced anything like this with their child. I began to isolate myself from friends and family. It was easier that way. As a Mom, all I could think about was how could I have messed up so bad raising this child. I was convinced it was a parenting issue and I was to blame. I felt a huge amount of shame.
I began searching for answers on the internet. Wherever I could I looked for answers on how to help my child. I was desperate. I felt if I could just fix her then all would be good again.
With my daughter, there were signs that she had anxiety at a very early age. She also experienced trauma in middle school that brought about depression and heightened anxiety. When I look back, I recognize this more clearly and I wish that I had trusted my “spidey sense” that was telling me to be concerned.
This is where the power of peer support plays a role. A peer is someone who has lived experience similar to yours and is a bit more ahead in their recovery. They share their story and bring hope that recovery is possible. A peer supporter on my journey would have been a lifesaver. They would have been that sounding board of understanding that I was lacking. I had all the medical and psychiatric support for my child, but I was missing that lived experience part for me.
With my journey over the past ten years, I have many life lessons that have become part of my story that have been useful when I spend time with other parents. A few I share include:
Your child’s mental health journey and yours are a parallel process. Looking closely at how you manage your stress, anxiety, mood and if these strategies are helpful or harmful to your family. Children tend to mirror what they see at home.
In my case, how I managed my stress was affecting my physical health and my mental health. I had so much outside stress from my work life and my extended family that I thought I was managing but in fact I was not. This greatly impacted my two girls.
My self-care was lacking. I was so focused on being the best mom, spouse, daughter, employee that I had lost track of caring for me. Allowing yourself some self-care is not selfish, it is necessary. Self-care can be whatever is best for you. Bubble bath, a walk, yoga,watching a movie. It is your choice.
I realized that being resilient and raising resilient children is a parallel process. You can’t expect your child to be resilient if they never get a chance to fail. Letting them take chances is a good thing.
And that we, as parents, are doing the best we can. I like to remind myself and parents that children do not come with an owner’s manual. That each child comes with their own unique talents and abilities. That our children are not mini me’s – they are their own person – unique only to them.
I have also included more about when things did not seem right, some helpful tips and reminders that I hope will help you on your mental health journey.
THINGS THAT DIDN’T SEEM QUITE RIGHT
When my Spidey Sense was saying something was not quite right
Younger Years
· She didn’t settle at night (she would always come into our bedroom in the middle of the night; always around 1:30am ish)
· She was grinding her teeth so loud we could hear it from our bedroom
· She didn’t settle at school (she would go off to school seemingly happy and then I would get a call around 10/10:30am to come and help settle her down)
Middle School
· She stopped drawing; something she totally loved before that
· She stopped dancing and doing sport
· Her appearance changed (she started wearing heavy make-up and hoodies that covered her face)
· She stopped hanging out with her regular friends
What other parents have said about their Spidey Sense saying something was not quite right
· Changes in eating habits
· Changes in sleeping habits
· Continual physical health issues (e.g. always upset stomach before school, changes in weight + or -)
· Changes in personality (outgoing to very introverted, or vice versa).
_____________________________________
THINGS THAT HELPED
Things that helped us with our daughter
· Learning how to have open conversations about how she really felt
· Not trying to “fix/solve” it
· Validating her experience without judgement
Mood tracker (looking for patterns to what is going on as well as triggers - not just journaling but tracking their mood)
SAD Lamp (boosted serotonin during MB winters)
Vitamin D - 2000 mg daily will elevate mood
Talking to holistic medicine people re: different vitamins, minerals, etc.
Talking to her Doctor who referred her to someone else
My daughter being connected to peer support
Connecting with a range of mental health services
Asking a lot of questions
Reading the Adverse Childhood Events (ACE) study https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/childabuseandneglect/acestudy/index.html
This study explains how childhood trauma affects you. I read it originally to help my daughter, but soon realized I was reading it for me. I learned that I had childhood trauma that I did not realize was trauma and how that affected how I parented.
Talking with peers who had a similar story to my daughter to help me understand what she was experiencing. What would have been better – talking with parents who had a similar life as well (peer support for parents)
Self-care. This is critical. You are not doing yourself or your child any favors if you are not taking care of yourself.
Parallel process. Your child’s mental health journey and yours are a parallel process. Looking closely at how you manage your stress, anxiety, mood and if these strategies are helpful or harmful to your family. Children tend to mirror what they see at home.
Family therapy. All members of the family need support when 1 member of the family is not well. Do not forget the other children in the home. It may not show, but they are struggling as well.
Both parents need to try to develop a parenting strategy that works for that child. Take a hard look at how you both are parenting and how that is working for you, your child and the other parent.
What other parents have said they felt helped with their children
· Peer support group for families
· CMHA MB & Wpg Service Navigation Hub & the Learning Center (MH ED for Families)
· Addictions Foundation Manitoba (AFM) parenting course
HELPFUL TIPS AND REMINDERS FROM SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN THERE
1. Power in numbers: Support groups (either in person or on-line) can provide extremely valuable information and encouragement. They’ve been indispensable to me over the years. I have found that when talking with family and friends, even though their advice comes from a place of love, they do not have lived experience. In my case, a lot of shame and blame was felt by me. Having the support of others helps with your own self confidence and lessens the feeling of shame and blame. This is a huge part of your own self-care. It is also a great way to learn other resource options and parenting skills.
2. Questions and the phone are your friends: Don’t forget the power of simply picking up the phone, calling one or two the mental health organizations to talk with someone and asking for help to find the right resource or group. Powerful questions elicit powerful solutions.
3. Advocate for your child: be prepared. You often have such a short time with the Doctor, send them stuff beforehand (e.g. I faxed the mood tracker in the day before)
4. Health Providers may not talk, but you can share. When you call a health professional to ask about your loved one, often they’ll say, “I can’t share that information”. But you can ask them to listen to you. Tell them what’s been happening with your family member or friend; explain why you’re worried. They aren’t breaking confidentiality by listening.
5. Over-programmed: Watch how many times you are making your child see someone. If your child is constantly having to meet and tell his/her story, they will stop being engaged. Watch to see who your child relates to and who they do not. Peer support and her pediatrician with the occasional visit to her psychologist was the best fit for her needs.
6. Where your child is at and teachable moments: Really listening to where your child is at with their mental health. Sometimes pushing too hard for change can have a huge negative affect. Recovery is solely based on the individual. As a parent we can only support with love and encouragement. Recovery cannot be forced on anyone.
7. Who are your child’s biggest fans/supports? So often having a relationship with someone who truly loves and supports your child is a huge part of their recovery. This was a big part of my daughter’s recovery, those few who loved and supported and did not judge no matter what made all the difference. It can be friends, family, coach, teacher. Encourage the relationship.
Mental health is my passion, my purpose and, my hope is that the more we talk about it, the less ashamed people will feel about getting the help and support they need.
Let’s get our human back and talk mental health
Charlotte Sytnyk - the mental health momager and co-creator
Charlotte's kind and approachable demeanor make her a hot commodity in the Mental Health world. A woman who believes that there is good in everyone, Charlotte uses her lived experience raising resilient daughters to bring awareness and support to people living with Mental Health issues.
ROBYN PRIEST LIVE YOUR TRUTH 2020 WORKSHOPS/PEER SUPPORT GROUPS
ONLINE Parent Support Group:
This is a monthly online support group for parents and caregivers raising children with mental health challenges. This is peer led support group which means the facilitators understand your world. This is not counselling. You can log into Zoom on your computer or your phone. You can interact with the facilitators and group members or just listen. It is whatever you are comfortable with. We are all here to support you on your journey of mental health.
This group meets online every second Wednesday from 7:00pm - 9:00pm CST
IN PERSON Parent Support Group:
Just like the online support group except this is in person.
This group meets every third Wednesday from 7:00pm - 9:00pm CST
Location: Grant Park High School
Peer Support:
All peer support workers with RPLYT have completed peer support training, have a commitment to attend ongoing training and receive ongoing supervision. These supports are designed to ensure the work being done by peer workers is to the highest standard possible.
You can expect that a RPLYT peer supporter will be on the journey with you. At RPLYT, we call them “Exploration Facilitators”. Their role is to support you to find the solutions for yourself; to facilitate your exploration of your life, options and choices. They may also provide examples of resources that have been useful for others on similar journeys, yet, they are only offerings, it is entirely up to you what you chose to do.
We have parent peer support workers as well as young adults. Let us know what’s going on and we can let you know a peer support worker who might be a fit.
You can expect the discussions to be confidential.
Online Courses & Workshops:
Check out their website for all upcoming online courses and workshops. Go to www.robynpriest.com
Thank you again to Charlotte Sytnyk for sharing her story and providing extremely helpful resources for those who are struggling with mental health issues. The more conversations we have around mental health, the better chance we have at ending the stigma,
